Sorry for the delay.
Here are the results:
Mandle: 29
Baron: 25
Sinitrena: 21
Update with my own feedback:
Mandle: This was a really nice story. It's a well-captured feel-good snapshot of the experience of backpacking in a distant land. You really smell the sea air as you read. And the misunderstanding itself, far from being a problem for the main character, is actually the best thing that ever happened to him. In fact, 'problems' are the only thing really missing from the story. I think if you'd added some obstacles, an antagonist or a bit of tension (like when his clothes are stolen, maybe instead of laughing it off, he actually has to chase the people who took them because in his pocket was something that belonged to the old man).
Sinitrena: I enjoyed this one, too. It took me longer than it probably should have done to realise Tim and Tom were branches, but I enjoyed the descriptions and the image of the boys playing with the sticks and the idea that the sticks might be conscious of what's happening, and even enjoy it. I think the story might have had more of an emotional kick if it had been less ambiguous about which stick had broken. We know one of them died, but the fact that we don't know who takes the emotion out of it a little, for me. whereas if it had been clearly Tom who died, I think that would have been more tragic.
Baron and the folks: I love that you wrote this collaboratively with your parents. Are they into writing, themselves? I loved the image of these two bumbling bank-robbers with all this money realising they couldn't spend it. I knew the joke was coming when I saw launder in italics, but it was still funny. And then you just ran with it. Mrs Phong is a great character. And better still for the fact that we don't really know if she was actually trying to help or was setting them up, though I suspect the latter (The title suggests that these thieves were 'Taken to the Cleaners' by Mrs Phong). I demand a Mrs Phong spin-off series.
Here are the results:
Mandle: 29
Baron: 25
Sinitrena: 21
Update with my own feedback:
Mandle: This was a really nice story. It's a well-captured feel-good snapshot of the experience of backpacking in a distant land. You really smell the sea air as you read. And the misunderstanding itself, far from being a problem for the main character, is actually the best thing that ever happened to him. In fact, 'problems' are the only thing really missing from the story. I think if you'd added some obstacles, an antagonist or a bit of tension (like when his clothes are stolen, maybe instead of laughing it off, he actually has to chase the people who took them because in his pocket was something that belonged to the old man).
Sinitrena: I enjoyed this one, too. It took me longer than it probably should have done to realise Tim and Tom were branches, but I enjoyed the descriptions and the image of the boys playing with the sticks and the idea that the sticks might be conscious of what's happening, and even enjoy it. I think the story might have had more of an emotional kick if it had been less ambiguous about which stick had broken. We know one of them died, but the fact that we don't know who takes the emotion out of it a little, for me. whereas if it had been clearly Tom who died, I think that would have been more tragic.
Baron and the folks: I love that you wrote this collaboratively with your parents. Are they into writing, themselves? I loved the image of these two bumbling bank-robbers with all this money realising they couldn't spend it. I knew the joke was coming when I saw launder in italics, but it was still funny. And then you just ran with it. Mrs Phong is a great character. And better still for the fact that we don't really know if she was actually trying to help or was setting them up, though I suspect the latter (The title suggests that these thieves were 'Taken to the Cleaners' by Mrs Phong). I demand a Mrs Phong spin-off series.