Fortnightly Writing Competition "Underworld" (RESULTS)

Started by RetroJay, 01 Jun 2021, 18:37

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Mandle

Sorry, guys, but if a story has a twist in it could we make it a custom to only mention the twist in hide/spoiler tags? If someone who hasn't read it yet just happens to glance at the spoiler by accident then that's gonna ruin the impact for them. Cheers.

And, yes, I do fully intend to vote. The new voting style has cured the "Mandle Effect".

Baron

Sure thing, Mandle ol' mate!  I've just gone back and edited some hide tags.

Having said that, I have to believe that anyone who is reading the commentary afterwards has either read the stories or wants to read what people think before committing to reading.  So I'm leaving the following out in the open, warts and all.

Quote from: Sinitrena on 20 Jun 2021, 12:22
The behaviour from Jaqueline just doesn't match her shown characteristics too well. Yes, she doesn't care about Miss Teschmacher, but that's fair enough in their current situation, while she otherwise shows support for her collegue - she goes with Lilah to a place she clearly doesn't want to go, she takes photos even before they are together, she manages to get them out of the prison. You could argue that the situation got more dangerous at the end, but I don't think so.

Ah, but you are meant to think the best of your social betters -that's the whole point of what was meant to basically be a social commentary.  Jacqueline and Mr. Big come from the same world of wealth and privilege, and they behave fundamentally by a different social code than us regular peons.  Jacqueline gets beaten by her rich boyfriends but thinks it is normal: it is the wealth they share and status they impart that matters.  Mr. Big eats and violates people for sport, but doesn't consider himself a monster: it is the power that matters.  Jacqueline and Mr. Big get each other.  Sure, they may outwardly behave decently when it is in their own best interests (to increase one's status, in the case of Jacqueline; to earn a vast fortune in banking, in the case of Mr. Big), but ultimately they just use others to further their own goals (lust, survival....).  In Jacqueline's eyes, Lilah was a diversion for her own escape, especially when she became bogged down with Ms. Teschmacher.  Jacqueline & Mr. Big are pretty on the outside (at least Mr. Big was, before the fire, and he still has a vile charisma about him) - we want to like them, and to be liked by them, as Ms. Teschmacher is loyal to the despicable Mr. Big to the end.  But they are grotequely ugly on the inside - especially since they seem to enjoy the ugly side of their social caste, as is revealed in the epilogue as Jacqueline enjoys the party.  Thus the title: Pretty Ugly Things.

Mandle

Quote from: Baron on 22 Jun 2021, 01:44
Having said that, I have to believe that anyone who is reading the commentary afterwards has either read the stories or wants to read what people think before committing to reading.

There is also the case where someone looks to read only the feedback on their own story for now but might happen to glance at a word or two in another by mistake. But yeah, cheers for that!

RetroJay

Hi, All.

The deadline is fast approaching and we are still waiting on two people to allot points.
So get off your asses and vote.  :-D

Deadline is Midnight on the 24th.
Winner to be announced on the 25th.

Yours.
Jay.   

RetroJay

Hi, All good peeps.

All votes from the contestants are now in and have been tallied.
However, in case there are any other Ags'ers who would like to vote, I will announce the Winner tomorrow.
So, for any stragglers this gives you until Midnight tonight.

EDIT: Just thought of "Time differences"...
For me you have about 5 hrs until Midnight.  (laugh)

Yours.
Jay. 

Mandle

I think everyone can see the server-time at the top of the page. Are you basing the closing time on that?

RetroJay

Probably, Mandle.

I got it as 23:47. So less than 15 mins and the Voting will close.

Oooh! Who will win?
(Obviously I know.) And I have something a little extra for you all.  (laugh)

8 mins, Now.
5 mins...
2 mins...
1 min...

VOTING HAS CLOSED !
Due to the fact I have to go to sleep and have work tomorrow... The 'RESULTS' will be announced in the evening of ... Um... Today.
Probably about 7pm.

Yours.
Jay. 

RetroJay

Hi, One and all.
It's that time to reveal the RESULTS!

FWC Report

BARON:  Teachers Pet:  15 points:  Gold Trophy.


EJECTEDSTAR and BARBWIRE:  Top of the Class:  11 points each:  Silver Trophy.


MANDLE and SINITRENA:  Could Do Better:  10 points each:  Bronze Trophy.


STUPOT:  Needs to Try Harder:  3 points:  A Glass of Milk?


Thank you to everyone who entered the competition. There were some excellent stories, this time, and it was a hard fought contest.
Keep up the good work!

And now I shall take a bow and hand proceedings over to our Winner... BARON.
Congratulations!

Yours.
Jay.

Stupot

Well done to Baron. You got my top vote. I liked all the stories but yours had me really wanting to keep reading.

I'm glad it's over. I regret posting that story. It actually started as a genuinely good idea about a scientist whose job it was to take a semen sample from an extra-terrestrial for an experiment. Someone's got to do it, right? And of course it would take place in an underground facility. I'm writing a (non-comical) story about a girl who is an alien-human hybrid and this seemed like a good chance to explore a bit about how that came about. But from the first line I set a humorous tone and I only had my limited commute time to get the idea down. My reflex is immaturity and I just ended up making it silly and disgusting. It was never going to compete against the other entries.

RetroJay

Hey, Stupot.

Don't regret posting your story.
I understood the story, and the experimental side of it all. (I Just thought it was funny... In an "OMG!" sort of way.)  (laugh)

Now... Let's test your Luck.
Roll me a 'Six sided Die' or a 'd6'.
If you roll a 4, 5, 6... It's Milk.
If you roll a 1, 2, 3... It's NOT!  (laugh)

Seriously though. I got it, and enjoyed your story.
The problem with story writing is... Everything has already been thought of. Your story was, at least, thinking outside the box.
Most people are too scared of doing anything different, these days.
I, for one, Applaud your effort.

Yours.
Jay.

Sinitrena

Congrats, Baron!

Looking forward to the next round.

Wow, these are massive trophies!  8-0 How will I ever fit it on my shelf (aka my signature)?

RetroJay

Hi, Sinitrena.

Especially for you, I will try to create a Trophy that will fit on your shelf.  (laugh)

Yours.
Jay.

Baron

Thanks for the votes, everyone!

I don't think there's any shame in posting experimental writing, at least so long as you don't have any hurtful intent.  I sure wish I could crank out an excellent story in a very short period of time.  While I don't think that Stupot's entry this time around was something necessarily to be proud of (i.e. probably not a good idea to send a copy to grandma (roll) ) , the goal of turning an idea and some spare in-between time into a winning entry is like a modern day grail quest.  Logically the chances of success were always pretty remote, but what if he had stumbled onto something.... 

I'll try to get the next competition up and running in the next day or so.  See you all next time in the next exciting instalment of....

The Fortnightly Writing Competition!

EjectedStar

Congrats Baron and all the other contestants who participated!  We had some good stories posted and I enjoyed them all, even the milking story.

Looking forward to the next FWC! Sorry I wasn't able to post any thoughts on people's stories this time around, it has been a little busy around the EjectedStar home at the moment, what with an extra little running around.