Started by Baron, 28 Jun 2021, 02:39
Quote from: Mandle on 17 Jul 2021, 00:59Quote from: Sinitrena on 16 Jul 2021, 11:48The main part just seems missing, though. We never even learn when Edward was taken or what it is he can do (what does "fix him" mean - we never get an answer) or how he ended up back with his father.Cheers for the comment! I'm not sure what you mean here, however. I would be interested to hear why you thought Edward had been separated from his real father at some point before the fateful night in the motel room. It could be a flaw in my writing that misleads people to think that.
Quote from: Sinitrena on 16 Jul 2021, 11:48The main part just seems missing, though. We never even learn when Edward was taken or what it is he can do (what does "fix him" mean - we never get an answer) or how he ended up back with his father.
Quote from: WHAM on 17 Jul 2021, 09:25SinitrenaWholesome daemons? What slimy, sickening adorableness is this!? It reminds me of a Lovecraft themed webcomic callsed the Unspeakable Vault of Doom, with how the two worldviews are depicted and mixed. I like it!I see we both could use a proof reader, though: 'Too much rows of teeth..' and '..hollered and jump towards him..' These only seem to come up toward the end of the story, so perhaps a looming deadline struck here as well?
Quote from: Sinitrena on 18 Jul 2021, 14:13Out of curiousity, did anyone bother to read the upside-down text or did you all jump right to the easier to read version?
Quote from: Baron on 18 Jul 2021, 05:50@ WHAM - I think the story has potential, but like other readers I was confused as to who was who. I was also a bit confused at the band manager's motivation: what does he get out of lesser attendance at the lounge? Or is he trying to bankrupt the joint so he can take over entirely? Voodoo jazz zombies aside, something just doesn't fit....
Quote from: EjectedStar on 18 Jul 2021, 07:00Wha - Oozed atmosphere. I could smell the smoke wisps in the air, the clinking of whiskey glasses, and all I could imagine were the 'weasels henchmen' from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Unfortunately a lot of the 'deal/magic' was implied and we didn't get enough meat to the story.
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